Sunday, September 11, 2016

#BlogElul 8: Hear

Yesterday was Shabbat, so I didn't write. Today is Elul 8 and September 11. Hear.

I strive to hear stories of narratives I don't know. I strive to stop and listen to the world. This year, I want to spend time listening to my child, my partner, and my body.

Friday, September 9, 2016

#BlogElul 6: Believe

I believe in fate. Ever since I met Emet, our lives have been truly blessed. I believe that things are well, even when they don't seem to be. I believe that I have purpose, even if I don't know what that is, and I strive to be the best I can.

Thursday, September 8, 2016

#BlogElul 5: Accept

Today is the Hebrew anniversary of our wedding and the "official" due date of our baby. I'm accepting that baby will arrive when it's ready. I'm accepting that I don't know everything and I have much to learn. I'm accepting that the world isn't perfect, and so to be the best I can be, I have to accept that I am the one that needs to change. Either let it go and move on or make a change.

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

#BlogElul 4: Understand

It's been so long since I wrote, and I apologize! Preparing for baby, working, and handling some other personal things has taken a lot more time than I thought.

I found out about #BlogElul this morning, and so while I'm not making a commitment to complete it, I'm going to strive to do what I can.



Today, 4 Elul is Understand. I feel like I've become to understand some things in the past year, and I really have no idea going forward. I'm hoping to understand more about myself, my relationship, my spouse, my child, my body. I know that there isn't any one thing to understand about any of those, but if I can draw meaning from each one of those this year, I would call it a success.

Sunday, June 26, 2016

Queer Parents/Community

My posting schedule has definitely decreased, and I apologize for that! In the midst of closing on a house and being pregnant, I let this blog slip down on my list of priorities. At the same time, I think there is a lot to think about while being an expecting queer Jewish couple.

1. One of the biggest questions is, will we ever find the "right" Jewish and queer community/communities to raise our child in? What kind of environment are we wanting to raise the baby? Will it be Jewish enough? Queer enough? Moving to a new place and finding community has been a struggle, and we're still working on it. Will it be harder or easier with a child? We are working with a few local groups to build community around queer parenting, but it has been a struggle. While we know tons of people with kids, they are scattered all over the world. We are slowly meeting other expectant couples, but it's hard to make new friends.

Have you had this experience? What did you do?

2. I keep comparing Denver and Atlanta and the possibility of LA or Israel, for the reasons above,  but also I wonder about Jewish education. If we send our child(ren) to day school, will we be the lone queer family? But if we send our child(ren) to a public school, how will our kids' relationship with Judaism suffer or grow stronger? We want our children to grow up in a strong Jewish home with a solid Jewish identity.

Have you debated the same thing? What did you decide?

3. Everyday I wonder about the world we are bringing children into. I am afraid for us as a queer couple, as a Jewish queer couple, as a society. Things are scary out there, and I can't prevent bad things from happening. Is this just the normal worry of parents? Will I always feel this? I feel particularly concerned right now just with everything going on in the world, and I wonder if it's just because I'm thinking about this growing being inside me or if I would think about it anyway.

How do you balance the bad with the good in your life?

I know this is a short post after so long, but I feel like I'm just coming up with more questions than answers these days. Thoughts?

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

LGBT Task Force and Anti-Israel Sentiment

I cannot begin to tell you how outraged I am at the actions of the LGBT Task Force to cancel a reception that would include two representatives from the Jerusalem Open House, co-sponsored by A Wider Bridge, citing "safety and security concerns," but really because of pressure from the left, who are anti-Israel.

How can groups who so openly reject discrimination ignore the issues that GLBT Israelis, Israeli Arabs, and Palestinians face to be themselves in Israel?

Israeli society is not as black and white as the left makes it out to be. Yes, there are problems, but would the same group refuse an organization from Iran, Syria, or China who support GLBTQ individuals on the basis that they disagree with politics of those countries? Why focus on Israel?

I am deeply disappointed to hear this news, especially after living in Israel, learning much about social justice there, and being a queer Jew myself.

Just like the US, the society is incredibly complex, and there are representatives in the government that disagree on the way Israel should run. Is that any reason to cancel a reception?

The Deputy Executive Director of the National LGBTQ Task Force gave this statement concerning the reception's cancellation:
“We cancelled the event as we were concerned about the possibility of this reception becoming intensely divisive rather than a casual and fun social event,” he said.
Too many people are emotionally involved when it comes to Israel, and I get that, but can we not simply have a reception and hear from someone about work that addresses the GLBTQ community in Israel? Does the entire discussion of Israel have to move off the table because some people are full of hate?

Last year, I spoke about how in queer communities, I feel too Jewish, and in Jewish communities, I feel too queer. This is a situation where I feel like I must reject my alignment with the queer community (or the LGBTQ Task Force) because they are saying I can't be passionate about Israel and Israeli society AND be queer at the same time. This is what this feels like to me.

Monday, January 4, 2016

Trans-Inclusivity and Prayer for the End of Hiding

Recently, the Union of Reform Judaism passed a resolution to make Reform communities more welcoming to transgender people. While it doesn't provide specific measures for Reform synagogues to take on, it does recommend that synagogues can be more welcoming by designating gender-neutral bathrooms, training staff in trans issues and using gender-neutral language in prayers and sermons. These are actions that are simple to do and a great beginning to be welcoming to trans and queer folks in synagogues.

Last year, Jay Michelson wrote in the Jewish Daily Forward that the newfound inclusion of gays and lesbians in Jewish organizations is for the purpose of making money. Idit Klein, the Executive Director of Keshet, disagreed by arguing that the inclusion of gay and lesbian Jews in synagogues and other Jewish spaces is to help bring about more change from within. I can't agree with her more.

When I first visited Congregation Bet Haverim, a Reconstructionist synagogue in Atlanta, I was incredibly moved by the Prayer for the End of Hiding that the entire congregation says near the end of each service. Reading this prayer aloud that recognizes how I have been forced to make a dishonest presentation of myself as a queer Jew helped me feel both included and accepted in the community. Congregants who are Jews by birth, Jews by choice, straight, queer, somewhere in between, trans, lovers of Jews, and more say this prayer. I feel we all can find something in the words that speak to us.

As I've thought about my own experience as a queer Jew who desires to be fully accepted as my authentic self in a variety of Jewish spaces, I acknowledge it hasn't been easy, not only for me, but also for the greater community that isn't aware of the issues my friends and I face when entering into a Jewish space. In queer spaces, I feel too Jewish or too religious, and in Jewish spaces, I often feel too queer or too religious in communities that I know will accept me for who I am.

I think that for Reform Jews who are transgender and for their queer and straight allies in the Reform movement, the resolution is a great step in the right direction. For those of us who don't affiliate with Reform Judaism, we still have work to do in our own communities. We can't say, "The Reform movement is welcoming so we don't have to be."

I pray that we continue to be inclusive and welcoming of queer Jews and their loved ones throughout the Jewish community and in the words of the Prayer for the End of Hiding, "Creator of the Universe, we ask that our hiding draw to an end, that we no longer feel we have to pretend, to promise falsely, to renounce ourselves, and that our fullest creative expression as Jews and as gay people be among the blessings You bestow upon us."