The Next Generation

Emet and I had the chance to speak with a group of students at a local high school a few weeks ago about our experience being Jewish and queer. The group was comprised of the Jewish group on campus, as well as the queer group on campus, so while many of the students were Jewish, there were a handful that weren't, and while many of the students were queer, there were just as many that weren't.

One thing that kept coming up was our struggle to be comfortable in our own skin. Is it possible to be both Jewish and queer? Is it possible to feel like we belong in both communities?

As we've written before, this is a constant source of discussion for us. On the one hand, we love Jewish ritual and culture. It's not only something we love. It's deep in our blood and soul. We couldn't be us without being Jewish. On the other hand, we don't always feel connected to the people we meet in the Jewish community. There's something missing sometimes. Even though the community is filled with authentic allies who truly care about the issues, sometimes there is a disconnect between our experience and a true understanding. Sometimes we just want to hang out with another queer couple who 'gets it.'

Back in February, we went to the Creating Change conference here in Denver, and of course it wasn't perfect. The diversity of people in the Jewish caucus groups I went to was varied, and I didn't relate to everyone's experience. At the same time, when speaking with some of the queer Jews, they understood, even if we approached Judaism differently.

Back at the high school, we touched on many aspects of how it's actually harder for us in certain Jewish circles and some queer circles, but we're trying our best to find out where we fit or to make the community that works for us.

At the end of our discussion, we spent some time chatting with the director of the Jewish groups, and it really surprised me that he said he's struggling with many of the same things in the Jewish community. Where does he fit in? Some people in his community observe one way and many others a different way. He has struggled finding allies and people who have commonalities with him. I would categorize him as Modern Orthodox, but I actually don't know, and it was interesting to hear that he struggled a lot, too.

A few weeks ago, we hosted a few friends for Shabbat, and the same topic came up. How do we as Jewish young adults engage in the community? Is the community right for us? What could make it better? I thought I was alone in these doubts, but actually, it seems we are all struggling with it. How do we become comfortable in the Jewish community, when it appears many people observe one way or believe one thing about Israel or aren't open-minded about certain topics? I don't have the answers now.

Leaving the high school, I kept thinking how different life is for these youth who are coming out earlier and earlier. In 10 years, will the Jewish community be better equipped to engage them on a level that works for them? Can I be a part of that change? Time will only tell.