The Wedding

We got married! Just in case you were holding your breath to hear that. Everything went so well, and the wedding was over so quickly!

The week leading up to the wedding was hard. Being separated was very, very difficult. When we were about to part on the Sunday prior to the wedding, there were lots of tears and questions about why we separating, but we did it after discussing the reasons why. It gave us a week of anticipation, nervousness, wonder, and emotions. I cried a lot. It's hard being separated from your partner for a week, especially for us, since we have been so incredibly lucky to have so much time together. All week, we sent notes back and forth and we texted. Because we planned a lot of the wedding details ourselves, we needed to be able to discuss when we had issues. Even so, we knew we wouldn't text over Shabbat, the day before the wedding, and we agreed not to text the day of the wedding.

Emet left Wednesday night for LA, and I went on Thursday. Once we were in LA, things felt more real. I met my family at the airport and we drove up to the suburbs to get together the gift bags and some other things. It was weird being back there without seeing Emet. Then, back in LA, our family started to arrive, and it was so unreal. By Friday, Emet and I were both hoping Shabbat would go quickly, since we weren't texting. I ended up hanging out with my parents and my grandmother, taking a nap (since I hadn't slept well in over a week), and generally stayed put in the hotel room, reading.

Saturday night, Emet and I had to play Tetris in the hotel during the dinner, and we assigned my sisters to make sure that we wouldn't see each other. When Emet was downstairs at dinner, I was in the room. Then they moved Emet to a safe location, and I appeared in the dining room. It was weird to know that our guests saw Emet, but she was elusive to me.

I expected Sunday, the day of the wedding, to be chaotic and nerve-wrecking, but it was so smooth. I davened in the morning, spending time thinking about every person who both wanted a prayer and who I thought needed one. I expected to feel more spiritual on the wedding day than I did, but it was still good.

During the morning, it seemed time dragged on, and I couldn't wait to see Emet. I hung out with my sisters for a while, and eventually we went to get our hair done. I was extremely hesitant to do this, since I wanted my hair to look natural, nothing over the top. It ended up being perfect. The hairdresser who did my hair had married his boyfriend the year before, and I'm pretty sure that we were the only English speaking clients. They were amazing, though. He put in the veil and we were all very satisfied with their friendliness and their work.

After our hair appointments

Then, I stayed in the room getting ready with my sisters. Devon took some amazing photos, as usual.

All of a sudden, it was time to go to the synagogue! I didn't want anyone to see me so when we went down to get in the car to go to the synagogue, my sisters played "Secret Service Agents" again and made sure there was no one to see me. We got to the synagogue and I was nervous to see Emet, after having not seen her for a week.

Just before I went down to see Emet for the first time

Our photographer was there, as were our videographers, and I didn't know how everything would work. Luckily, I was too preoccupied to think about the things that could go wrong that day! In that last photo, there were stairs to the right, and I went down them to see Emet. I could see her back, and then suddenly I was there behind her. I put my hand on her shoulder, and she turned around and started crying. We both started crying. It was just the two of us, there in time. I know there were others around us, but it didn't matter.

After a little while, our families came and we continued with photos. Then, everyone started showing up, and time just wouldn't stay still.

We greeted everyone, our mothers broke a plate, we gave dvar Torahs, and then we moved into the room to sign the ketubah. It is completely gorgeous, specially done for us by our friend, and it's just perfect. Once we signed the ketubah, Emet put the veil over my face - I was crying. I'm pretty sure everyone was crying in the room. Our families and two witnesses plus the photographer and videographers were all in the room with us and the rabbi and cantor.

I remember walking down the hall to get to the back of the sanctuary. My parents held my hands tight. I was jittery. When I got down to the bottom of the aisle, where Emet was, she started outright bawling. It was so sweet and authentic.

The ceremony was a blur. I was there, but it was just fast. I got nervous reading the Hebrew at the end of our vows. Our rabbi was absolutely amazing and our cantor did such a great job. We couldn't have been happier with our choices for the ceremony. It was a mostly traditional wedding service, though we altered the Sheva Brachot slightly. At one point, I was told afterward that everyone up on the bimah with us (our families) was crying. It was just so moving. Emet mainly broke the glass - I attempted to help, but let's be honest, her shoes were better equipped for breaking glass.

The sanctuary

Then we were alone in yichud. Thankfully, there was some food, which was delicious, and we savored the 30 minutes alone that we had.

The rest of the night just came and went. We did our first dance, hopefully staying on beat the entire time to "The Anniversary Song." Unfortunately for us, the synagogue only had folding chairs, so for the hora, I was terrified either Emet or I would fall, so it only lasted a few rounds of the song. Thankfully, we did not get injured. Our caterer was fabulous, our DJ was right on, and everything was perfect. Our parents and sisters gave toasts. We danced, we ate a little, we threw a stuffed pomegranate (instead of a bouquet), and we cut and ate some cake that had our small clay pomegranates that we bought at Yad Lakashish on it. The cake was white with white frosting and strawberries. It was delicious.

Our tables

Overall, the entire day was amazing, and we can't wait to get more pictures back from our photographer and the video! All these photos are what were uploaded on to WedPics. If you want to see more photos, email me and I can send you the code to see them.

Thank you to everyone who joined us and made the day special. We can't wait to continue celebrating this year and into the future. We are so thankful and grateful of everyone who helped us get to this day - our families, our rabbi, our friends both here in the US and in Israel, our photographer, caterer, videographers, and DJ. It was amazing. We couldn't have asked for anything better.

The end of the night!

Shabbat shalom!!

Tu B'Av: How Emet and I Met, Thanks (but No Thanks) to Birthright

Today is Tu B'Av, the "Jewish Valentine's Day." According to the Jewish tradition, today marks the beginning of the grape harvest, which leads to wine, which leads to...Just kidding. But today is Tu B'Av and it does mark the beginning of the grape harvest. In modern times, it has become a symbol of love.

You'll see a number of articles about Birthright and bringing together Jewish couples who eventually got married. In some ways, Emet and I have a similar story, but in many ways we do not.

Both of us went on Birthright, about 8 years apart. Birthright significantly impacted our relationship with Judaism and with Israel. For Emet, she knew that she was going to return to Israel someday. For me, I wanted to become more knowledgeable about Judaism but I thought I didn't want to return to Israel.

Fast forward to 2012, the year both of us came to Israel, separately. Emet came with her mom, who had a lifelong dream to come to Israel, and I made the trip to study and begin a volunteer program in social justice. After Emet returned from her trip to the US, she knew she was coming back, and in early 2013, she began studying Hebrew. Only three months later, we met in Jerusalem.

Like Birthright couples, Israel is the means by which we were able to meet, but unlike Birthright, we had to seek for each other, and it was no easy feat. Who would have thought that you could meet your bashert at this one gathering for queer women in Jerusalem in May 2013? Who would have thought that I was in love and knew that Emet was the one only two weeks after having met her? Ask my friend Savyonne, I couldn't eat or sleep for two weeks! Who would have thought that after one year and three months from that night in Jerusalem, Emet and I would be getting married and solidifying our lives together?

Our first year has had its stresses, but it's been an amazing first year (and some). We've moved to Denver into our own apartment and are moving forward in building a life together. I can't be more grateful and thankful to those who encouraged me to return to Israel and open myself up to new opportunities and experiences. And I can't be more grateful that I met Emet, my bashert.

Happy Tu B'Av!

Offbeat/Alternative Bachelorette Party

When Emet and I got engaged, we didn't think so much about having a "bachelorette" party. Neither of us are partiers, and it felt like a weird tradition that we weren't sure we wanted to take part in. That being said, we thought that it would be a great opportunity to get some friends and sisters together and have a good time. Emet spoke with my older sister about hosting one, and she went into action planning it. At first, she had a few ideas that she had looked into, but with our limitations (cost and timing), they didn't work out. Those ideas were a cooking class or wine tasting. Instead, she came up with a great combination of fun and food, and we all had an awesome time!

The party started with a drive up to an arcade place, which also had laser tag and whirlyball. For those of you who don't know, whirlyball is a mix between bumper cars, basketball, and lacrosse. The group (Emet and me, my two sisters, and two of my friends - another friend and my cousin came later) split up into two groups. We then had to get a Whiffle ball into a basketball hoop and throw the ball using short lacrosse sticks.

Whirlyball

Needless to say, we all got a little bruised, but it was a great time! We also played a few rounds of Laser Tag. It's a dark room with glow-in-the-dark walls and mazes. That was thoroughly awesome! At the end of about two hours of playing whirlyball and laser tag, we were exhausted.

Showing off our guns

Then, we caravanned to a Tapas and sushi bar. We relaxed and ate for a bit, refreshing ourselves after an energy-depleting experience. Soon after we all recovered, my older sister led us in a game similar to "Cards Against Humanity," but the bridal shower edition. The guests asked us questions, for which we kept our answers secret. Each guest had to write down either the real answer or a ridiculous answer. All the answers were put into a pile, and we read them out loud. Whoever had the answer we liked the most received a point. Not only did everyone learn more about us, but we had a good time laughing to the ridiculous answers.

The sushi tapas place, Blue Grotto

In the end, it was an amazing "non-bachelorette bachelorette party." It wasn't about partying during my last days of "freedom." I have no connection whatsoever with that idea of the bachelorette party. Instead, we spent time together, doing something we don't do very often.

If you are thinking of doing a bachelorette party, for yourself or a friend, and you don't relate to the traditional ideas of a bachelorette party, try to step outside that box, and be creative! There are so many cool ideas that you can do instead!

Preparing for the Wedding: Taking Advantage of the Engagement Period

Emet and I have been intentional in our relationship from the beginning, when I asked her on the night we met, what are your goals for the next five years? We are committed to getting married only once, not divorcing, and communicating effectively to have a happy, healthy relationship.

That being said, we both recognize that not everyone approaches a relationship the way we have, and that's why I want to write this post today.

Emet and I have been seeing our rabbi every three or four weeks since coming to LA and a few times prior to that through Facetime. These sessions have been helpful for us to discuss our own goals for the future and work on any emotional or other issues we may have. Luckily, we've been doing this for a while, so it gets easier and easier as time goes on.

We picked up two books in the last few weeks that have been helpful thus far. The Five Love Languages is a bestseller that breaks down five ways that we can show that we love each other, and while it is hetero-normative, it has some good points to think about. The other is Meeting at the Well: A Jewish Spiritual Guide to Being Engaged, published by the Union of Reform Judaism.

We have loved Meeting at the Well so far! It has given us the opportunity to talk about aspects of our parents' marriages and our childhoods that contribute to the way we approach relationships and how we our pasts will relate to our future.

The great thing about this book is that is includes stories from people and the Talmud to bring in tradition where appropriate. It's helpful especially for couples who are reclaiming or returning to a more observant Judaism. While it doesn't include everything, we have found it to be a helpful beginning point. The activities are not Jewish-specific, so even for those of you who aren't Jewish, I think the book can be very useful!

The Five Love Languages has also been useful in looking at how we each respond to different actions, and what is the most effective way that each of us feel loved. I didn't know exactly what mine was going into the book, so I'm glad I read it. I knew immediately what Emet's was, but it seemed that after she read the book, she felt there was another one that also impacted her.

The idea of the Five Love Languages is that we each grow up understanding how we feel love in different ways. They are:
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
& Physical Touch.
One of the five languages the author lists will be the top way for you. We found that we could rank the five ways to most important to us to the least important. What is important for this discussion of love languages is that we communicate differently based upon what is most important for us; however, what works for us might not work for our partner. If one partner needs to feel physical touch to feel loved, and the other feels that gifts are most important, they will need to be cognizant of this, and acting differently toward what works for your partner will strengthen your relationship.

I highly recommend both of these books for couples who are interested in taking advantage of being engaged and want to strengthen their relationship with their partner. Happy learning!