I've reread all the blog posts on this blog, and I've found that the issues I dealt with three years ago are still the ones I'm dealing with today. I'm not in any better of a place, and I actually feel like we are slipping a bit more.
I read an old email from the kiruv rabbi I worked with, and it struck a chord. It's something I've been thinking about over the last few days. He said "being half religious...is no man's land," and he encouraged me to observe the full Shabbat and "the rest will fall in into place."
At first, I was annoyed by the comment. It will all just fall into place? How so? If we begin keeping Shabbat completely, will that bring us more friends, more community? That's exactly what we've lacked here in Atlanta.
If we move to a Shabbat observant community, how will be received? The few times we've tried interacting with the Shabbat observant community here in Atlanta, we haven't been received in the way we had hoped. I think people are confused by us or don't approve of us. In Denver, we were invited over to people's homes and we did the same, even among families who were Modern Orthodox.
Of course, it's different with a baby who goes to sleep too early to go out for Friday night, but what about Shabbat lunch? We've invited people over for Fridays, but haven't received the same invitations with open arms from others. I don't know if it's because we have a toddler or because people don't like us or because inviting people for Shabbat is not a thing here in Atlanta.
At the same time, I agree. Being "half-religious" is this weird in-between place. We fall in to the community of conservative Judaism mainly because of our identities, but realize that conservative Judaism is dying. There are few young families that actually keep Shabbat or kosher that are conservative. If you're out there, let me know! But it's hard as a queer couple who wants to/strives to keep mitzvot.
I told Emet I think we should keep more. We've been slacking. It's true. And yet, by keeping, we will be more isolated because we can't afford to live within walking distance to a shul.
Where do we belong? Is that what many Jews think? Or are we simply anomalies?
Showing posts with label kosher. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kosher. Show all posts
Friday, January 19, 2018
Thursday, April 9, 2015
Sometimes It's Hard
As someone who tries to be more observant, sometimes it's just hard. I wonder if other people struggle with this, and I know they do, but it just seems so easy for some people.
We choose to spend Passover with family. It just doesn't feel the same without them. But at the same time, neither of our families are as observant as we are. I'm not faulting anyone. It's just the way it is. This means that their homes aren't as kosher as we'd like and they don't keep Shabbat how we do. This complicates things. During Pesach, even if we choose to avoid chametz, they won't necessarily avoid it, so there's bread, not only in the freezer, but there's a bagel being made for a child (it smells so delicious just out of the toaster), hot dog buns with our meal, or a request to eat out because we're all tired of the seder leftovers.
It's hard. Do you put your foot down and say no? Or do you carefully do your best, knowing you'll make a mistake? You can attempt to eat gluten free at a restaurant, but forget that something might be breaded. Or as a vegetarian, I'll be extremely limited because many of my food options are taken away during Pesach. We met some friends at a kosher restaurant in LA, and they had no vegetarian options. Seriously? None? Just a smattering of pickled and spicy vegetable side dishes.
I'm too hard on myself. I'm doing the best I can. Family is more important than halacha in my opinion, but I know not everyone takes that opinion. We are more flexible in our observance, and some people might judge us for that. But you know what? We are also a queer couple and some will definitely say there's no way we can be observant. We do the best we can in the way we can for what is meaningful to us. Isn't it all about meaning anyway?
We choose to spend Passover with family. It just doesn't feel the same without them. But at the same time, neither of our families are as observant as we are. I'm not faulting anyone. It's just the way it is. This means that their homes aren't as kosher as we'd like and they don't keep Shabbat how we do. This complicates things. During Pesach, even if we choose to avoid chametz, they won't necessarily avoid it, so there's bread, not only in the freezer, but there's a bagel being made for a child (it smells so delicious just out of the toaster), hot dog buns with our meal, or a request to eat out because we're all tired of the seder leftovers.
It's hard. Do you put your foot down and say no? Or do you carefully do your best, knowing you'll make a mistake? You can attempt to eat gluten free at a restaurant, but forget that something might be breaded. Or as a vegetarian, I'll be extremely limited because many of my food options are taken away during Pesach. We met some friends at a kosher restaurant in LA, and they had no vegetarian options. Seriously? None? Just a smattering of pickled and spicy vegetable side dishes.
I'm too hard on myself. I'm doing the best I can. Family is more important than halacha in my opinion, but I know not everyone takes that opinion. We are more flexible in our observance, and some people might judge us for that. But you know what? We are also a queer couple and some will definitely say there's no way we can be observant. We do the best we can in the way we can for what is meaningful to us. Isn't it all about meaning anyway?
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
My Recommendations to the Kiruv Movement as a Queer Jew Who Wanted to be Observant
During my AmeriCorps term three years ago, I was already on my journey to become more observant. I didn't know a whole lot about observant Judaism at the time, but I was going regularly to a Reform synagogue within walking distance to my apartment and teaching 5th and 6th graders about Jewish values and social justice. I also started getting involved with the Jewish community, and I met a rabbi who taught the Maimonides course at one of the local colleges. I jumped at the chance to learn more and have the chance to learn in Israel - both for free.
During the course of the spring, I learned a lot about observant Jewish thought and practice and started to understand more about observant Judaism than I had ever known.
At the same time, I developed a relationship with the rabbi and his wife and visited a lot for Shabbat and holidays. The rabbi helped me get into a Jewish learning program from women in Israel, and I even caught up with him once in Israel when I was deciding whether to stay and study or return to the US.
It turned out that a classmate of mine at Pardes was also close to this rabbi, and he outed me to the rabbi about my engagement. I'm not blaming him for outing me, as it would have happened eventually.
After that, though, I didn't hear from the rabbi again, except once in a mass email when the men praying in the synagogue in Har Nof were attacked.
I have grown to love Judaism in a way I never did before, but kiruv gave me a bad taste in my mouth, and I think there are a lot of ways queer Jews and kiruv can interact - all positively - and these are the ways I think that kiruv could improve.
1.There is a Difference Between Observant and Haredi.
When I started learning about observant Judaism, I didn't know that I was really learning about being Haredi. Following all the laws and all the observances to a T, it is all or nothing, and I remember discussing that quite a bit with women I met during my time in Israel in Haredi communities. I am observant, but not separatist. I believe that Jews should interact with modern society and with non-Jews because if we are to separate truly, how can we educate the world on who we are and what we do? I don't follow every law in halacha. For me, it's more important to use Judaism as a guide to seek meaning in this world, and that is just as "observant" as someone who follows every law. As a queer Jew, I'm blessed to have the ability to see what meaning is to me and how halacha can help me find meaning, but it is in no way the Be All and End All of being or doing Jewish.
2. There are Queer Children of Observant Families.
When kiruv ignores the fact that there are queer children in observant families, it is doing harm to these families. I've read many stories of parents who are observant and have queer children and have a hard time with their communities because the synagogue won't include them or their rabbi isn't accepting. Omitting these stories harms families and harms communities. It makes people think that observant Jews don't have queers among them, which we all know is completely false. If our goal is to bring more Jews to observant Judaism, the kiruv movement is going to have to acknowledge that queers exist.
3. Being Observant is not in Conflict with Being Queer.
There are many ways to be observant, and there are many ways to be queer. They don't have to be exclusive, but kiruv only allows for one kind of Judaism.
I have learned so much about Judaism and how I want to live my Jewish life with my partner. A lot of that was sparked by my experience with kiruv, but it only got me so far. I'm glad I had the opportunity, but I also know that I didn't want to lead a Haredi life.
There are so many things that we can learn from observant Judaism, but that doesn't mean that everyone has to follow it exactly as you do. Instead of dropping someone once you realize they won't exactly be the Jew you want them to be, it is better to continue that relationship because we can both learn a lot from the other. I think after all this, I'm disappointed that I will never be seen as an observant Jew because I'm queer. As someone who keeps kosher and Shabbat, as someone who strives to continue learning as much as possible, and as someone who has taken on head covering and modest dress, I would disagree.
During the course of the spring, I learned a lot about observant Jewish thought and practice and started to understand more about observant Judaism than I had ever known.
At the same time, I developed a relationship with the rabbi and his wife and visited a lot for Shabbat and holidays. The rabbi helped me get into a Jewish learning program from women in Israel, and I even caught up with him once in Israel when I was deciding whether to stay and study or return to the US.
 |
| Credit to Chany Crystal |
It turned out that a classmate of mine at Pardes was also close to this rabbi, and he outed me to the rabbi about my engagement. I'm not blaming him for outing me, as it would have happened eventually.
After that, though, I didn't hear from the rabbi again, except once in a mass email when the men praying in the synagogue in Har Nof were attacked.
I have grown to love Judaism in a way I never did before, but kiruv gave me a bad taste in my mouth, and I think there are a lot of ways queer Jews and kiruv can interact - all positively - and these are the ways I think that kiruv could improve.
1.There is a Difference Between Observant and Haredi.
When I started learning about observant Judaism, I didn't know that I was really learning about being Haredi. Following all the laws and all the observances to a T, it is all or nothing, and I remember discussing that quite a bit with women I met during my time in Israel in Haredi communities. I am observant, but not separatist. I believe that Jews should interact with modern society and with non-Jews because if we are to separate truly, how can we educate the world on who we are and what we do? I don't follow every law in halacha. For me, it's more important to use Judaism as a guide to seek meaning in this world, and that is just as "observant" as someone who follows every law. As a queer Jew, I'm blessed to have the ability to see what meaning is to me and how halacha can help me find meaning, but it is in no way the Be All and End All of being or doing Jewish.
2. There are Queer Children of Observant Families.
When kiruv ignores the fact that there are queer children in observant families, it is doing harm to these families. I've read many stories of parents who are observant and have queer children and have a hard time with their communities because the synagogue won't include them or their rabbi isn't accepting. Omitting these stories harms families and harms communities. It makes people think that observant Jews don't have queers among them, which we all know is completely false. If our goal is to bring more Jews to observant Judaism, the kiruv movement is going to have to acknowledge that queers exist.
3. Being Observant is not in Conflict with Being Queer.
There are many ways to be observant, and there are many ways to be queer. They don't have to be exclusive, but kiruv only allows for one kind of Judaism.
I have learned so much about Judaism and how I want to live my Jewish life with my partner. A lot of that was sparked by my experience with kiruv, but it only got me so far. I'm glad I had the opportunity, but I also know that I didn't want to lead a Haredi life.
There are so many things that we can learn from observant Judaism, but that doesn't mean that everyone has to follow it exactly as you do. Instead of dropping someone once you realize they won't exactly be the Jew you want them to be, it is better to continue that relationship because we can both learn a lot from the other. I think after all this, I'm disappointed that I will never be seen as an observant Jew because I'm queer. As someone who keeps kosher and Shabbat, as someone who strives to continue learning as much as possible, and as someone who has taken on head covering and modest dress, I would disagree.
Friday, September 12, 2014
The Wedding
We got married! Just in case you were holding your breath to hear that. Everything went so well, and the wedding was over so quickly!
The week leading up to the wedding was hard. Being separated was very, very difficult. When we were about to part on the Sunday prior to the wedding, there were lots of tears and questions about why we separating, but we did it after discussing the reasons why. It gave us a week of anticipation, nervousness, wonder, and emotions. I cried a lot. It's hard being separated from your partner for a week, especially for us, since we have been so incredibly lucky to have so much time together. All week, we sent notes back and forth and we texted. Because we planned a lot of the wedding details ourselves, we needed to be able to discuss when we had issues. Even so, we knew we wouldn't text over Shabbat, the day before the wedding, and we agreed not to text the day of the wedding.
Emet left Wednesday night for LA, and I went on Thursday. Once we were in LA, things felt more real. I met my family at the airport and we drove up to the suburbs to get together the gift bags and some other things. It was weird being back there without seeing Emet. Then, back in LA, our family started to arrive, and it was so unreal. By Friday, Emet and I were both hoping Shabbat would go quickly, since we weren't texting. I ended up hanging out with my parents and my grandmother, taking a nap (since I hadn't slept well in over a week), and generally stayed put in the hotel room, reading.
Saturday night, Emet and I had to play Tetris in the hotel during the dinner, and we assigned my sisters to make sure that we wouldn't see each other. When Emet was downstairs at dinner, I was in the room. Then they moved Emet to a safe location, and I appeared in the dining room. It was weird to know that our guests saw Emet, but she was elusive to me.
I expected Sunday, the day of the wedding, to be chaotic and nerve-wrecking, but it was so smooth. I davened in the morning, spending time thinking about every person who both wanted a prayer and who I thought needed one. I expected to feel more spiritual on the wedding day than I did, but it was still good.
During the morning, it seemed time dragged on, and I couldn't wait to see Emet. I hung out with my sisters for a while, and eventually we went to get our hair done. I was extremely hesitant to do this, since I wanted my hair to look natural, nothing over the top. It ended up being perfect. The hairdresser who did my hair had married his boyfriend the year before, and I'm pretty sure that we were the only English speaking clients. They were amazing, though. He put in the veil and we were all very satisfied with their friendliness and their work.
Then, I stayed in the room getting ready with my sisters. Devon took some amazing photos, as usual.
All of a sudden, it was time to go to the synagogue! I didn't want anyone to see me so when we went down to get in the car to go to the synagogue, my sisters played "Secret Service Agents" again and made sure there was no one to see me. We got to the synagogue and I was nervous to see Emet, after having not seen her for a week.
Our photographer was there, as were our videographers, and I didn't know how everything would work. Luckily, I was too preoccupied to think about the things that could go wrong that day! In that last photo, there were stairs to the right, and I went down them to see Emet. I could see her back, and then suddenly I was there behind her. I put my hand on her shoulder, and she turned around and started crying. We both started crying. It was just the two of us, there in time. I know there were others around us, but it didn't matter.
After a little while, our families came and we continued with photos. Then, everyone started showing up, and time just wouldn't stay still.
We greeted everyone, our mothers broke a plate, we gave dvar Torahs, and then we moved into the room to sign the ketubah. It is completely gorgeous, specially done for us by our friend, and it's just perfect. Once we signed the ketubah, Emet put the veil over my face - I was crying. I'm pretty sure everyone was crying in the room. Our families and two witnesses plus the photographer and videographers were all in the room with us and the rabbi and cantor.
I remember walking down the hall to get to the back of the sanctuary. My parents held my hands tight. I was jittery. When I got down to the bottom of the aisle, where Emet was, she started outright bawling. It was so sweet and authentic.
The ceremony was a blur. I was there, but it was just fast. I got nervous reading the Hebrew at the end of our vows. Our rabbi was absolutely amazing and our cantor did such a great job. We couldn't have been happier with our choices for the ceremony. It was a mostly traditional wedding service, though we altered the Sheva Brachot slightly. At one point, I was told afterward that everyone up on the bimah with us (our families) was crying. It was just so moving. Emet mainly broke the glass - I attempted to help, but let's be honest, her shoes were better equipped for breaking glass.
Then we were alone in yichud. Thankfully, there was some food, which was delicious, and we savored the 30 minutes alone that we had.
The rest of the night just came and went. We did our first dance, hopefully staying on beat the entire time to "The Anniversary Song." Unfortunately for us, the synagogue only had folding chairs, so for the hora, I was terrified either Emet or I would fall, so it only lasted a few rounds of the song. Thankfully, we did not get injured. Our caterer was fabulous, our DJ was right on, and everything was perfect. Our parents and sisters gave toasts. We danced, we ate a little, we threw a stuffed pomegranate (instead of a bouquet), and we cut and ate some cake that had our small clay pomegranates that we bought at Yad Lakashish on it. The cake was white with white frosting and strawberries. It was delicious.
Overall, the entire day was amazing, and we can't wait to get more pictures back from our photographer and the video! All these photos are what were uploaded on to WedPics. If you want to see more photos, email me and I can send you the code to see them.
Thank you to everyone who joined us and made the day special. We can't wait to continue celebrating this year and into the future. We are so thankful and grateful of everyone who helped us get to this day - our families, our rabbi, our friends both here in the US and in Israel, our photographer, caterer, videographers, and DJ. It was amazing. We couldn't have asked for anything better.
Shabbat shalom!!
The week leading up to the wedding was hard. Being separated was very, very difficult. When we were about to part on the Sunday prior to the wedding, there were lots of tears and questions about why we separating, but we did it after discussing the reasons why. It gave us a week of anticipation, nervousness, wonder, and emotions. I cried a lot. It's hard being separated from your partner for a week, especially for us, since we have been so incredibly lucky to have so much time together. All week, we sent notes back and forth and we texted. Because we planned a lot of the wedding details ourselves, we needed to be able to discuss when we had issues. Even so, we knew we wouldn't text over Shabbat, the day before the wedding, and we agreed not to text the day of the wedding.
Emet left Wednesday night for LA, and I went on Thursday. Once we were in LA, things felt more real. I met my family at the airport and we drove up to the suburbs to get together the gift bags and some other things. It was weird being back there without seeing Emet. Then, back in LA, our family started to arrive, and it was so unreal. By Friday, Emet and I were both hoping Shabbat would go quickly, since we weren't texting. I ended up hanging out with my parents and my grandmother, taking a nap (since I hadn't slept well in over a week), and generally stayed put in the hotel room, reading.
Saturday night, Emet and I had to play Tetris in the hotel during the dinner, and we assigned my sisters to make sure that we wouldn't see each other. When Emet was downstairs at dinner, I was in the room. Then they moved Emet to a safe location, and I appeared in the dining room. It was weird to know that our guests saw Emet, but she was elusive to me.
I expected Sunday, the day of the wedding, to be chaotic and nerve-wrecking, but it was so smooth. I davened in the morning, spending time thinking about every person who both wanted a prayer and who I thought needed one. I expected to feel more spiritual on the wedding day than I did, but it was still good.
During the morning, it seemed time dragged on, and I couldn't wait to see Emet. I hung out with my sisters for a while, and eventually we went to get our hair done. I was extremely hesitant to do this, since I wanted my hair to look natural, nothing over the top. It ended up being perfect. The hairdresser who did my hair had married his boyfriend the year before, and I'm pretty sure that we were the only English speaking clients. They were amazing, though. He put in the veil and we were all very satisfied with their friendliness and their work.
 |
| After our hair appointments |
All of a sudden, it was time to go to the synagogue! I didn't want anyone to see me so when we went down to get in the car to go to the synagogue, my sisters played "Secret Service Agents" again and made sure there was no one to see me. We got to the synagogue and I was nervous to see Emet, after having not seen her for a week.
 |
| Just before I went down to see Emet for the first time |
After a little while, our families came and we continued with photos. Then, everyone started showing up, and time just wouldn't stay still.
We greeted everyone, our mothers broke a plate, we gave dvar Torahs, and then we moved into the room to sign the ketubah. It is completely gorgeous, specially done for us by our friend, and it's just perfect. Once we signed the ketubah, Emet put the veil over my face - I was crying. I'm pretty sure everyone was crying in the room. Our families and two witnesses plus the photographer and videographers were all in the room with us and the rabbi and cantor.
I remember walking down the hall to get to the back of the sanctuary. My parents held my hands tight. I was jittery. When I got down to the bottom of the aisle, where Emet was, she started outright bawling. It was so sweet and authentic.
The ceremony was a blur. I was there, but it was just fast. I got nervous reading the Hebrew at the end of our vows. Our rabbi was absolutely amazing and our cantor did such a great job. We couldn't have been happier with our choices for the ceremony. It was a mostly traditional wedding service, though we altered the Sheva Brachot slightly. At one point, I was told afterward that everyone up on the bimah with us (our families) was crying. It was just so moving. Emet mainly broke the glass - I attempted to help, but let's be honest, her shoes were better equipped for breaking glass.
 |
| The sanctuary |
Then we were alone in yichud. Thankfully, there was some food, which was delicious, and we savored the 30 minutes alone that we had.
The rest of the night just came and went. We did our first dance, hopefully staying on beat the entire time to "The Anniversary Song." Unfortunately for us, the synagogue only had folding chairs, so for the hora, I was terrified either Emet or I would fall, so it only lasted a few rounds of the song. Thankfully, we did not get injured. Our caterer was fabulous, our DJ was right on, and everything was perfect. Our parents and sisters gave toasts. We danced, we ate a little, we threw a stuffed pomegranate (instead of a bouquet), and we cut and ate some cake that had our small clay pomegranates that we bought at Yad Lakashish on it. The cake was white with white frosting and strawberries. It was delicious.
 |
| Our tables |
Thank you to everyone who joined us and made the day special. We can't wait to continue celebrating this year and into the future. We are so thankful and grateful of everyone who helped us get to this day - our families, our rabbi, our friends both here in the US and in Israel, our photographer, caterer, videographers, and DJ. It was amazing. We couldn't have asked for anything better.
 |
| The end of the night! |
Shabbat shalom!!
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Mikvah
I went to the mikvah for the first time yesterday. I was nervous because I didn't know what to expect, even though our kallah teacher told us about it and friends have explained. It's not the same until you do it yourself.
I drove up and rang the doorbell. This mikvah was in an old building, and they are trying to raise funds to renovate. Though this is an inclusive mikvah, meaning any woman can go, regardless of if she is Orthodox or not, the attendant who answered the door was clearly Orthodox. She was the only person at the mikvah at that time. No one else was there. The usual time to immerse is after nightfall, but special immersions, like a kallah (bride), can happen during the day.
She led me into a bathroom with a tub, toilet, and vanity. The floor was uneven and had cracks in it. You had to watch where you stepped, so that you didn't trip. It didn't have that nice, clean, well-kept feel I had expected, but it was definitely clean. In the bathroom, there were Q-tips, cotton balls, mouthwash, floss, toothpaste, shampoo, and body wash. She said I could shower, but since I had just done that at home, I took a few minutes to look around and used the mouthwash. I had prepared at home so that I was comfortable in my own space.
Then I called her, and we walked into the next room which had the mikvah in it. She checked the bottom of my feet for hair. I was nervous. I was going to have to be naked in front of her, and I was wondering if I'd do it right. I was also thinking about cleanliness. But soon, I just took off the robe and went down the stairs.
My first dunk wasn't enough so I had to do again. She said, some women will jump a little so that they will go completely under the water. So I jumped a little for my next dunk. It was kosher. She handed me the prayer card to say the blessing and a washcloth to put on my head. Then I dunked twice more.
I walked back up the stairs and put the robe back on. She started giving me blessings of good health and happy marriage, etc. We walked back into the bathroom, and she quickly left me to clean up. I debated taking a shower there, but I decided against it. I would take another when I got back home that night. When I walked out to pay, she gave me a little certificate for my first time and some moisturizer.
I had to immerse our new pots and pans, so I asked her where that mikvah is. She walked and told me to drive around to the other side of the building. When we went outside, there was lots of thunder and ominous clouds. I thanked her and she scurried off.
Of course, it started storming. Rain, lightning, thunder, and then hail. It lasted for 20 minutes while I sat in the car. I didn't think there was symbolism in that. It's Denver. It storms. Finally after a while, I was able to get back out and immerse the pots and pans.
One thing that was really great about the experience was that the attendant didn't ask me about my husband! Usually, in more religious situations, I have to nod my head or change my pronouns to pretend that my spouse is male, but she was really respectful. She didn't ask about a husband, and she gave me lots of brachot (blessings). I mentioned I was nervous, and she was nice. She didn't even ask questions about the wedding anything about my spouse, and that contributed to me feeling comfortable. Perhaps it is because the mikvah is supposedly for the individual woman, not her spouse (depends on who you talk to), so the focus is on her.
I was proud of the many mitzvoth I did, but I feel like there could be something more meaningful about the mikvah. Maybe it would be more meaningful in nature for me, but it didn't feel very symbolic or spiritual. I still want to introduce a meaningful ritual, so I'll be continuing my research and try to come up with something.
I drove up and rang the doorbell. This mikvah was in an old building, and they are trying to raise funds to renovate. Though this is an inclusive mikvah, meaning any woman can go, regardless of if she is Orthodox or not, the attendant who answered the door was clearly Orthodox. She was the only person at the mikvah at that time. No one else was there. The usual time to immerse is after nightfall, but special immersions, like a kallah (bride), can happen during the day.
She led me into a bathroom with a tub, toilet, and vanity. The floor was uneven and had cracks in it. You had to watch where you stepped, so that you didn't trip. It didn't have that nice, clean, well-kept feel I had expected, but it was definitely clean. In the bathroom, there were Q-tips, cotton balls, mouthwash, floss, toothpaste, shampoo, and body wash. She said I could shower, but since I had just done that at home, I took a few minutes to look around and used the mouthwash. I had prepared at home so that I was comfortable in my own space.
Then I called her, and we walked into the next room which had the mikvah in it. She checked the bottom of my feet for hair. I was nervous. I was going to have to be naked in front of her, and I was wondering if I'd do it right. I was also thinking about cleanliness. But soon, I just took off the robe and went down the stairs.
 |
| A mikvah (not the one I used). |
My first dunk wasn't enough so I had to do again. She said, some women will jump a little so that they will go completely under the water. So I jumped a little for my next dunk. It was kosher. She handed me the prayer card to say the blessing and a washcloth to put on my head. Then I dunked twice more.
I walked back up the stairs and put the robe back on. She started giving me blessings of good health and happy marriage, etc. We walked back into the bathroom, and she quickly left me to clean up. I debated taking a shower there, but I decided against it. I would take another when I got back home that night. When I walked out to pay, she gave me a little certificate for my first time and some moisturizer.
I had to immerse our new pots and pans, so I asked her where that mikvah is. She walked and told me to drive around to the other side of the building. When we went outside, there was lots of thunder and ominous clouds. I thanked her and she scurried off.
Of course, it started storming. Rain, lightning, thunder, and then hail. It lasted for 20 minutes while I sat in the car. I didn't think there was symbolism in that. It's Denver. It storms. Finally after a while, I was able to get back out and immerse the pots and pans.
One thing that was really great about the experience was that the attendant didn't ask me about my husband! Usually, in more religious situations, I have to nod my head or change my pronouns to pretend that my spouse is male, but she was really respectful. She didn't ask about a husband, and she gave me lots of brachot (blessings). I mentioned I was nervous, and she was nice. She didn't even ask questions about the wedding anything about my spouse, and that contributed to me feeling comfortable. Perhaps it is because the mikvah is supposedly for the individual woman, not her spouse (depends on who you talk to), so the focus is on her.
I was proud of the many mitzvoth I did, but I feel like there could be something more meaningful about the mikvah. Maybe it would be more meaningful in nature for me, but it didn't feel very symbolic or spiritual. I still want to introduce a meaningful ritual, so I'll be continuing my research and try to come up with something.
Either way, even if I don't go back monthly, I'm glad I did it.
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Cruising with Grandma // Cruising While Frum
Emet and I had a lovely week in the Caribbean with my mom and grandma. My grandma loves cruising and decided she wanted to take us on a cruise. My grandma is turning 93 years old this year. A breast cancer survivor, she has loved traveling and cruising for a long time. In the last six months, she has been on a cruise almost every month.
When Mom told me that Grandma wanted to take us on a cruise, I was concerned about being able to keep mitzvot (namely kashrut and Shabbat), so I specified that we need to be on one that doesn't require us to travel on Shabbat. Mom found one that went Sunday to Sunday, and I realized that on Shabbat we would be on the boat the whole day, so it looked great. We decided on Royal Caribbean's Allure of the Seas, the biggest ship in the world. The ship took us to Nassau, St. Thomas (we took an excursion to St. John), and St. Maarten. Emet had never been on a cruise before, and while the 7 day cruise might have been long for Emet's first cruise, I think we had a great time.
Keeping Kosher: Royal Caribbean has excellent options for those that keep kosher. We tend to be more lenient in our keeping, but if you keep absolutely strict kashrut, then Royal Caribbean provides sealed meals prepared off the ship and only heated on the ship. We ordered off the regular menu for dinner. Most nights, our meal consisted of baked salmon, steamed asparagus, potato, and carrots. The head waiter even had the chef prepare a somewhat Israeli salad (cucumber, tomato, hearts of palm) for us. Everything we ordered was nondairy, and the non-Jewish waiter and head-waiter were clearly schooled in what kosher means. They wanted to make sure that we were completely satisfied and brought us dairy free desserts, even when we knew we didn't need to eat them!
Keeping Shabbat: Shabbat was more tricky in some respects but not in others. You are on a ship with no internet, no phones. The only electronics we use are the television, the elevator, and of course prepared food, as well as the key card to get into our room. Emet and I noticed an observant family on board, but we did not figure out what they did for their rooms on Shabbat. Maybe they stayed in all day? We're not sure.
There was a self-led Friday night service. At Pardes, we are told that after studying at Pardes for a semester, we are most likely to have the most knowledge of Judaism wherever we go. This was definitely the case. Emet and I went to the service and had planned to just do our own thing, but about 20 people showed up for it! There were a few older couples and two or three families with kids. One or two Israelis, as well. The observant couple showed up at the beginning, but left after inspected what Royal Caribbean had set up for us: a bottle of Manischewitz with many glasses, electronic candles (no fire is allowed on board for obvious reasons), and challah with salt, plus the Gates of Prayer prayer book. I was impressed by how much the cruise company seemed to know about what we Jews require for Shabbat and kashrut. They even had kosher beds in the cabin! Anyway, before we started the service, an older couple (probably in their 70s) said about Emet, oh this cute boy must have just had his bar mitzvah not so long ago, would you want to lead? Emet didn't feel comfortable, but I said I could lead some, but not all. Finally, someone started the service, and it was clear to me that most people could not read Hebrew, even those who said that they attended services every Friday night. Most wanted to read responsively in the English, which was just not exciting. Emet and I sang a few songs, but no one else joined in. Then we did more in the English, and finally it was over. We said kiddush and motzi over the challah, and then we went to dinner to meet Mom and Grandma. Overall, I felt proud that I could help lead a service, but also disappointed that I couldn't lead better and that no one else, obviously except the Israelis, could read Hebrew or knew any of the traditional prayers. I wondered what services were like in the attendees' synagogues Friday nights.
During the day on Shabbat, we didn't do so much differently than the rest of the vacation - reading, eating, sitting and watching the ocean - and we also went to listen to the captain speak about the ship.
St. John was the best beach we visited, even though it was rainy and a little cold. It was not as busy as St. Maarten's Orient Beach and we didn't have anyone pestering us to buy things, like we did on Orient Beach. We saw a lot of shows - every single night there was some evening activity, including a performance of Chicago, a water acrobatic show, an ice skating show, comedians, a performance by Tony Tillman, and another acrobatic show. I was impressed by the talent, though the concept of the second acrobatic show and the ice skating show were bizarre. My favorite was Tony Tillman, who sang oldies and made a few jokes.
Emet and I had a lovely time with Mom and Grandma. We referred to the cruise as our Pre-Wedding Honeymoon with Mom and Grandma. Obviously, it wasn't a real honeymoon, but because we aren't having one, it was close enough. It was so great spending time with them both.
Coming up: This weekend is going to be packed with activities. Emet's mom is coming to Atlanta tomorrow, and both my grandmas and my sister Devon to celebrate with us. On Sunday, my aunt and mom are throwing Emet and me an engagement party, then Sunday afternoon, Ari planned my non-bachelorette bachelorette party - laser tag and tapas! Then, Monday night is Passover. It will be a crazy few days to say the least!
Chag Sameach!
When Mom told me that Grandma wanted to take us on a cruise, I was concerned about being able to keep mitzvot (namely kashrut and Shabbat), so I specified that we need to be on one that doesn't require us to travel on Shabbat. Mom found one that went Sunday to Sunday, and I realized that on Shabbat we would be on the boat the whole day, so it looked great. We decided on Royal Caribbean's Allure of the Seas, the biggest ship in the world. The ship took us to Nassau, St. Thomas (we took an excursion to St. John), and St. Maarten. Emet had never been on a cruise before, and while the 7 day cruise might have been long for Emet's first cruise, I think we had a great time.
Keeping Kosher: Royal Caribbean has excellent options for those that keep kosher. We tend to be more lenient in our keeping, but if you keep absolutely strict kashrut, then Royal Caribbean provides sealed meals prepared off the ship and only heated on the ship. We ordered off the regular menu for dinner. Most nights, our meal consisted of baked salmon, steamed asparagus, potato, and carrots. The head waiter even had the chef prepare a somewhat Israeli salad (cucumber, tomato, hearts of palm) for us. Everything we ordered was nondairy, and the non-Jewish waiter and head-waiter were clearly schooled in what kosher means. They wanted to make sure that we were completely satisfied and brought us dairy free desserts, even when we knew we didn't need to eat them!
Keeping Shabbat: Shabbat was more tricky in some respects but not in others. You are on a ship with no internet, no phones. The only electronics we use are the television, the elevator, and of course prepared food, as well as the key card to get into our room. Emet and I noticed an observant family on board, but we did not figure out what they did for their rooms on Shabbat. Maybe they stayed in all day? We're not sure.
There was a self-led Friday night service. At Pardes, we are told that after studying at Pardes for a semester, we are most likely to have the most knowledge of Judaism wherever we go. This was definitely the case. Emet and I went to the service and had planned to just do our own thing, but about 20 people showed up for it! There were a few older couples and two or three families with kids. One or two Israelis, as well. The observant couple showed up at the beginning, but left after inspected what Royal Caribbean had set up for us: a bottle of Manischewitz with many glasses, electronic candles (no fire is allowed on board for obvious reasons), and challah with salt, plus the Gates of Prayer prayer book. I was impressed by how much the cruise company seemed to know about what we Jews require for Shabbat and kashrut. They even had kosher beds in the cabin! Anyway, before we started the service, an older couple (probably in their 70s) said about Emet, oh this cute boy must have just had his bar mitzvah not so long ago, would you want to lead? Emet didn't feel comfortable, but I said I could lead some, but not all. Finally, someone started the service, and it was clear to me that most people could not read Hebrew, even those who said that they attended services every Friday night. Most wanted to read responsively in the English, which was just not exciting. Emet and I sang a few songs, but no one else joined in. Then we did more in the English, and finally it was over. We said kiddush and motzi over the challah, and then we went to dinner to meet Mom and Grandma. Overall, I felt proud that I could help lead a service, but also disappointed that I couldn't lead better and that no one else, obviously except the Israelis, could read Hebrew or knew any of the traditional prayers. I wondered what services were like in the attendees' synagogues Friday nights.
During the day on Shabbat, we didn't do so much differently than the rest of the vacation - reading, eating, sitting and watching the ocean - and we also went to listen to the captain speak about the ship.
St. John was the best beach we visited, even though it was rainy and a little cold. It was not as busy as St. Maarten's Orient Beach and we didn't have anyone pestering us to buy things, like we did on Orient Beach. We saw a lot of shows - every single night there was some evening activity, including a performance of Chicago, a water acrobatic show, an ice skating show, comedians, a performance by Tony Tillman, and another acrobatic show. I was impressed by the talent, though the concept of the second acrobatic show and the ice skating show were bizarre. My favorite was Tony Tillman, who sang oldies and made a few jokes.
Emet and I had a lovely time with Mom and Grandma. We referred to the cruise as our Pre-Wedding Honeymoon with Mom and Grandma. Obviously, it wasn't a real honeymoon, but because we aren't having one, it was close enough. It was so great spending time with them both.
Coming up: This weekend is going to be packed with activities. Emet's mom is coming to Atlanta tomorrow, and both my grandmas and my sister Devon to celebrate with us. On Sunday, my aunt and mom are throwing Emet and me an engagement party, then Sunday afternoon, Ari planned my non-bachelorette bachelorette party - laser tag and tapas! Then, Monday night is Passover. It will be a crazy few days to say the least!
Chag Sameach!
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