Eating Well During the Holidays

You think this will be a post about how to eat well during the holidays, and in some ways you would be right, but in others, you would be very, very wrong.

It's hard to eat well. When you go to Chanukah parties and you are tempted by multiple servings of delicious latkes and sufganiot (jelly donuts).

When the only food they have for you is chocolate and latkes, you eat them. You're hungry and they are hard to resist. I mean, look at them. They are amazing, greasy, and tasty. I even had some latkes made out of carrots. Do you think I felt better eating those? For about 5 minutes.

I'm not suggesting to NOT eat them. In fact, Chanukah just isn't Chanukah without a latke, but I know when I've had my fill. And I've reached my limit.

I'm expecting to skip the latkes now. No more oil for me, thank you.

Changing Life Habits

It's been a while since the last blog post! Probably because Emet and I have been very busy with work, settling into Denver, a trip to Atlanta for Thanksgiving, and other things.

Our big initiative that we've been working on since the beginning of December is a natural cleanse. We've made the decision to only buy organic foods, reduce the products and cleaners in our home that contain harmful chemicals, and overall try to live a cleaner life. It's not without its difficulties, of course. Cost is a major concern of ours, and this month, we are tracking all expenses related to this. We've been tracking expenses since we got married with Mint.com, and now we're just making sure that going clean won't break the bank!

You might have heard about the Clean 15 and Dirty Dozen. These are lists of produce that should be bought or avoided. While we are buying all organic produce, it's still very important to know about them. The Environmental Working Group ranks produce based on pesticide residue.

The following fruits and vegetables rank the highest for pesticide residue (Dirty Dozen):
1. Apples
2. Strawberries
3. Grapes
4. Celery
5. Peaches
6. Spinach
7. Sweet Bell Peppers
8. Nectarines - Imported
9. Cucumbers
10. Cherry Tomatoes
11. Snap Peas - Imported
12. Potatoes

Now, for the Clean 15 - those fruits and vegetables that retain the least amount of pesticides:
1. Avocados
2. Sweet Corn
3. Pineapples
4. Cabbage
5. Sweet Peas - frozen
6. Onions
7. Asparagus
8. Mangoes
9. Papayas
10. Kiwi
11. Eggplant
12. Grapefruit
13. Cantaloupe
14. Cauliflower
15. Sweet Potatoes

The Clean 15 have the fewest pesticide residue, which means that it's possible to buy non-organic if you are worried. However, we figure - how much are we really saving if we buy these non-organic? A few dollars? We want to make sure that we are eating the best choices for our bodies and that's worth more than a few dollars. The complete list is available over on EWG's website.

Reducing your intake of pesticides and chemicals is proven to promote a healthier outcome in the long run, and that's what we are hoping for. All the chemicals contribute to illnesses and allergies. These chemicals and pesticides are things that our ancestors didn't have to deal with, and they suffered from significantly lower incidences of allergies and illnesses.

I have suffered from allergies since childhood, and because food allergies have increased dramatically since then, I want to make sure that I don't develop any more allergies, many of which have come about as a result of the pesticides and chemicals present in our food.

Emet has reactions to oats and wheat, so we are trying to eat more frequently a Paleo-Vegetarian diet. Emet will sometimes have kosher meat, but not too often. (I'm not trying to convert her to my vegetarian diet, I promise!) We have cut back our intake of breads and pastas, and we are focusing more on vegetables and beans. We all know I have a problem with sugar, so that is something we are also working to eliminate. Instead, we're eating more fruits, which is great for the digestive system!

With all these changes, we are working to plan our meals better, which I've found very difficult. What if I don't want a salad for dinner? Planning to have variety is most important so we don't get bored with our food. The more variety, the happier the belly.

In the future, we are hoping to phase out unnatural sunscreens, lotions, shampoo and body wash, and cleaning supplies by making our own! I'll keep you posted!

Things I Learned About Being a Wedding Guest from Planning my own Wedding

I learned a lot about weddings while Emet and I planned our own. Not only have I become more familiar with how to plan one, but I've also begun to understand how to be a better guest.

1. Send out a save the date!
We were a little untraditional and sent out save the dates almost six months in advance. We decided this was a good thing because half of our guests would be coming from out of town, and it's important to be early in booking hotels and flights. Our guests really appreciated the early save the date, since many had already made plans for that weekend! You don't have to send it out as early, but it actually worked out really well for us!

2. It's important to RSVP correctly and to notify the couple immediately if anything changes.
We were thrilled that people started telling us early on if they were coming, but it was hard when they notified us that they weren't coming. Not only were we sad they couldn't come, but it changed our numbers. We were so unsure how to estimate numbers for our caterer, but it all worked out in the end. We abided by the 5% rule. When our RSVP date passed, we took that number and subtracted 5%. Plus, we didn't count all the children as full adults, and even with a few people not coming the day of the wedding, we ended up having the perfect estimate. We never thought that people who had RSVP'ed would change their mind or get sick and not be able to come, but that happens a lot. I'll make sure as a guest at someone's wedding to be sure to RSVP on time and let them know if something changes ASAP.

3. Planning a wedding is hard. Don't complain.
You never know how many people you can invite or how to fit everyone at the tables. One thing I've learned is not to complain! Especially not to the couple getting married. We had limits on the people we invited because it's expensive to have a big wedding and we didn't want to spend an exorbitant amount. So, of course, we didn't invite absolutely everyone. That would be insane and ridiculous. People were invited because we wanted them there, but we also couldn't invite everyone we would have liked. The couple should never feel bad about not inviting people or inviting certain people to the wedding. It's their decision. I know that just because we invited people to our wedding does not mean an automatic reciprocal invite. You never know the couple's finances or limitations. It's best to be grateful if you were invited and not to feel hurt if you weren't.
From figuring out table assignments, I realized that the couple getting married should not have to worry about if this person gets along with that person at a table. The point of the event is to celebrate the couple getting married and that as a guest at any wedding, I am not the center of attention. If I have issues with people at a table, I need to put those aside or simply be cordial.

4. I will always bring a card to the wedding, and if I am sending a gift after the wedding, I will be sure to notify the couple's parents or the couple themselves so they know to expect it in the mail.
We were completely surprised and humbled by the gifts people gave, especially those who came from out of town. It was most helpful to us when people notified that they would be sending something after the wedding. We knew to expect it in the mail. We didn't want a card to be lost. The worst thing is thinking that you lost a card or gift from a guest.

5. Enjoy it!
It is so exciting to share in the joy of two people making a public statement to join two families. It's an honor to be invited, and it's a pleasure to enjoy everything. Knowing all the work that goes into planning a wedding, I know that I will be extremely grateful in the future for any wedding I'm invited to.

Being In-between Queer/Jewish

As Emet and I have settled into Denver, we've make a huge effort to get involved in the Jewish community and find a place there with friends, knowing where to daven, and soon, to continue learning. It has been easy - Emet's connected through the day school and we go to services almost every week at a different synagogue.

At the same time, we haven't spent so much energy on getting involved in the queer community. We have excuses - time, distance, being tired after a long day - but for some reason, this week, we didn't need any excuses.

We visited Charlie's this week, a queer country dance bar. There are all sorts of interesting people there, many in cowboy boots, hats, and denim, but also one woman in a 1950s petticoat dress, (because it was zombie crawl night) many people wearing zombie gear, and a few in drag.

They have free dance lessons at 8 and you get a free drink for participating. Then, the country music continues and everyone seems to know the dances. We are working on two-step and a waltz, and at some point, we want to go to the lesson to learn the line dances.

I felt that the place is just amazing. It's not a I-have-to-grind-into-you-in-order-to-dance kind of place. People were just out there having fun.

I bring it up because the topic of straddling two worlds/communities has come up a lot lately. As observant Jews, it makes sense for us to be involved Jewishly, but at the same time, as queer Jews, we want to be out and involved in queer spaces, too. Often, the two can't/don't mix and we're forced to choose.

It's been a while since I had gone to a gay club, and it's both comforting and isolating. We deal with very different issues compared to other observant Jews and other queer people, and it's hard to figure out where we fit 100% of the time. 

We are determined to try our best to be involved in both, but it definitely isn't easy. Even so, I wouldn't change it for the world.

Yom Kippur 5775

A new friend recently said that Yom Kippur is her favorite holiday, and at first, I was taken aback. Really? Of all the Jewish holidays that one could favor - Chanukah for presents and lighting candles, Pesach for large seders with family, even Tu B'Shvat for the celebrating trees and eating different fruits, not even mentioning Shabbat with friends, good food, and rest - of all holidays, Yom Kippur is the favorite? She explained that it's the one day she can truly focus on death and feel all sorts of emotions. It's helpful to have a day of cleansing, focusing on sadness, our faults, atonement, and hoping to be better in the year to come. Sometimes, all you need is a big cleanse to feel better. I hadn't thought of Yom Kippur that way, but it was completely true.

Each High Holiday season, I have participated in 10Q, which emails me questions each day between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. I answer the questions and then my answers are sealed in an online vault unit the following year. I get to receive my old answers the next year and then the cycle begins anew.

I realized I've been doing 10Q since 2009, and I read over all of my previous answers this year. I realized I have really changed - not only my goals and aspirations, but in terms of my knowledge as well.

I also saw that as the years went on, I became more attune to personal change. One year, I wanted to focus on saying no to others and doing what I wanted to do. Another year, I wanted to focus on being more grateful - a goal I still have. And yet in another year, I wanted to work on self-confidence and ignoring other people's opinions.

It's this time of year that I think a lot about how I can improve myself, and even when things are chaotic - like now, having just had a wedding, getting married, changing my name, moving to a new city, starting a new job, and of course working on being a better partner - I often revisit my goals and aspirations at the High Holidays because it is a time built into the year that I can do some self-reflection.

Like my friend mentioned, it's a time that you can really focus on the hard realities of life. This time of year is always hard. My aunt Rhona died on Yom Kippur in 11 years ago this year, and each year, I think back to that time. The High Holidays are always a time of self-reflection and personal goal setting as well as a time of mourning. On this one day, I give myself the space the mourn and reflect on all the ways I didn't live up to my own standards this year.

At the same time, I know that while I'm thinking of all the wrongs I have committed this year and all the bad (and good) that has happened this year, time continues to move forward, and I'm ready after Yom Kippur to face it.

Last year, being in Israel and at Pardes, it was so easy to think about all these things, but it is much more difficult now (see CHAOTIC above). Even so, I'm looking forward to Yom Kippur. I have plenty to atone for and plenty to thank Gd for.

May we all take some time, regardless of if you keep Yom Kippur or if you are Jewish, to think about the ways that we can become more aware of the ways that we can improve our world and ourselves - either through attitude, situation, or action.

גמר חתימה טובה