#BlogElul 8: Hear

Yesterday was Shabbat, so I didn't write. Today is Elul 8 and September 11. Hear.

I strive to hear stories of narratives I don't know. I strive to stop and listen to the world. This year, I want to spend time listening to my child, my partner, and my body.

#BlogElul 6: Believe

I believe in fate. Ever since I met Emet, our lives have been truly blessed. I believe that things are well, even when they don't seem to be. I believe that I have purpose, even if I don't know what that is, and I strive to be the best I can.

#BlogElul 5: Accept

Today is the Hebrew anniversary of our wedding and the "official" due date of our baby. I'm accepting that baby will arrive when it's ready. I'm accepting that I don't know everything and I have much to learn. I'm accepting that the world isn't perfect, and so to be the best I can be, I have to accept that I am the one that needs to change. Either let it go and move on or make a change.

#BlogElul 4: Understand

It's been so long since I wrote, and I apologize! Preparing for baby, working, and handling some other personal things has taken a lot more time than I thought.

I found out about #BlogElul this morning, and so while I'm not making a commitment to complete it, I'm going to strive to do what I can.

Today, 4 Elul is Understand. I feel like I've become to understand some things in the past year, and I really have no idea going forward. I'm hoping to understand more about myself, my relationship, my spouse, my child, my body. I know that there isn't any one thing to understand about any of those, but if I can draw meaning from each one of those this year, I would call it a success.

Queer Parents/Community

My posting schedule has definitely decreased, and I apologize for that! In the midst of closing on a house and being pregnant, I let this blog slip down on my list of priorities. At the same time, I think there is a lot to think about while being an expecting queer Jewish couple.

1. One of the biggest questions is, will we ever find the "right" Jewish and queer community/communities to raise our child in? What kind of environment are we wanting to raise the baby? Will it be Jewish enough? Queer enough? Moving to a new place and finding community has been a struggle, and we're still working on it. Will it be harder or easier with a child? We are working with a few local groups to build community around queer parenting, but it has been a struggle. While we know tons of people with kids, they are scattered all over the world. We are slowly meeting other expectant couples, but it's hard to make new friends.

Have you had this experience? What did you do?

2. I keep comparing Denver and Atlanta and the possibility of LA or Israel, for the reasons above,  but also I wonder about Jewish education. If we send our child(ren) to day school, will we be the lone queer family? But if we send our child(ren) to a public school, how will our kids' relationship with Judaism suffer or grow stronger? We want our children to grow up in a strong Jewish home with a solid Jewish identity.

Have you debated the same thing? What did you decide?

3. Everyday I wonder about the world we are bringing children into. I am afraid for us as a queer couple, as a Jewish queer couple, as a society. Things are scary out there, and I can't prevent bad things from happening. Is this just the normal worry of parents? Will I always feel this? I feel particularly concerned right now just with everything going on in the world, and I wonder if it's just because I'm thinking about this growing being inside me or if I would think about it anyway.

How do you balance the bad with the good in your life?

I know this is a short post after so long, but I feel like I'm just coming up with more questions than answers these days. Thoughts?